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The Secret to Winning an Argument
Be civil, mind your biases, ask good questions, and level the emotional playing field
Incivility is rampant. Seventy-three percent of Americans feel that the United States is “losing stature as a civil nation.” But it’s hard not to wake up every day with a pit in your stomach wondering, “What tragedy will it be today?”
It seems as though the negativity is contagious and that disagreements are multiplying, popping up everywhere from the dinner table to the boardroom. Studies prove that rudeness also runs rampant in our workplaces, costing employers upwards of $12 million a year in lost customers, productivity, and employee happiness. The researcher who studied this phenomenon, Christine Porath, said in an interview with CBS News, “The number one reason people admit to being uncivil is because they’re stressed out or overloaded. They feel they don’t have time to be nice.”
We blame workaholism for our lack of emotional regulation. We use technology as an excuse for the dehumanizing comments we sling back and forth on social media. We bemoan the lack of true human connection. But as a high-performance coach who helps managers, entrepreneurs, and executives tackle difficult conversations, I believe the deeper issue is that we have a dysfunctional relationship with conflict itself.
